Regardless of who we are, where we live or what we do in our lives, there comes a time when we are called on to offer an apology. It may be necessary because of our actions or words or what we've failed to do or say. Regardless of the reason, there are a few things to keep in mind when offering an apology that you won't regret. Here are three tips to apologize without regrets.
1. Be sincere. An apology can never be demanded by someone because it would not be sincere. We see this in the news all the time. Someone demands a public apology because they were insulted or misquoted publicly. This type of apology, if offered, is little more than an obligatory gesture and is hollow.
A sincere apology is to recognize and acknowledge that we have wronged someone in someway, however unintentional. It is a communication that does not necessarily mean that we were wrong, but that we understand our actions cause harm or were in some way inappropriate.
This type of apology might sound like, "I'm am sorry that my actions impacted you in a negative way (or led to........). Please know that this was never my intention and I will pay special attention to avoid a repeated incident."
2. Be responsible. When we are wrong, it is our responsibility to admit it. We can't just wait until someone brings it to our attention or go on the defense or offense when confronted. As emotionally stable and personally responsible individuals, there is no shame in being wrong or making a mistake. It's important to recognize the distinction between making a mistake and "being" a mistake.
As people, we are meaning-making machines. We make situations mean something about us and nothing is further from the truth. If we have made an error or committed some action that has caused harm, we will find strength and dignity in stepping up and taking personal responsibility. We don't have to grovel or over-apologize, simply taking honest responsibility for our actions is enough.
This type of apology might sound like, " I am deeply sorry that that my actions caused you harm. While it was not my intention to do so, I take full responsibility for my actions."
3. Be Clear. When it comes time to apologize, do it with style and integrity. Be certain that you are clear why and for what you are apologizing. A vague and random apology that reeks of self-pity is not an apology, neither is twisting the facts to minimize our self-imposed shame and guilt and actual responsibility in the matter. How we feel about the situation is really not the point of an apology. It is about being clear that we understand the situation and the part we played.
This type of apology might sound like, " I recognize my responsibility in....(specific situation and action).....and I apologize sincerely. It's my intention to be more aware of my....(specific behavior, action, inaction)...in the future.
When we offer an apology that is sincere, responsible and clear, we can know that we have taken care of the matter to the best of our ability and without regret. With this reassurance, we can stand tall regardless of how the receiving party reacts. Ultimately, we do not apologize to be granted forgiveness from another person, but in order to practice integrity in our own life and that always requires taking personal responsibility for our actions, our words and our thoughts. Those are the only things we can truly ever control in life.
1. Be sincere. An apology can never be demanded by someone because it would not be sincere. We see this in the news all the time. Someone demands a public apology because they were insulted or misquoted publicly. This type of apology, if offered, is little more than an obligatory gesture and is hollow.
A sincere apology is to recognize and acknowledge that we have wronged someone in someway, however unintentional. It is a communication that does not necessarily mean that we were wrong, but that we understand our actions cause harm or were in some way inappropriate.
This type of apology might sound like, "I'm am sorry that my actions impacted you in a negative way (or led to........). Please know that this was never my intention and I will pay special attention to avoid a repeated incident."
2. Be responsible. When we are wrong, it is our responsibility to admit it. We can't just wait until someone brings it to our attention or go on the defense or offense when confronted. As emotionally stable and personally responsible individuals, there is no shame in being wrong or making a mistake. It's important to recognize the distinction between making a mistake and "being" a mistake.
As people, we are meaning-making machines. We make situations mean something about us and nothing is further from the truth. If we have made an error or committed some action that has caused harm, we will find strength and dignity in stepping up and taking personal responsibility. We don't have to grovel or over-apologize, simply taking honest responsibility for our actions is enough.
This type of apology might sound like, " I am deeply sorry that that my actions caused you harm. While it was not my intention to do so, I take full responsibility for my actions."
3. Be Clear. When it comes time to apologize, do it with style and integrity. Be certain that you are clear why and for what you are apologizing. A vague and random apology that reeks of self-pity is not an apology, neither is twisting the facts to minimize our self-imposed shame and guilt and actual responsibility in the matter. How we feel about the situation is really not the point of an apology. It is about being clear that we understand the situation and the part we played.
This type of apology might sound like, " I recognize my responsibility in....(specific situation and action).....and I apologize sincerely. It's my intention to be more aware of my....(specific behavior, action, inaction)...in the future.
When we offer an apology that is sincere, responsible and clear, we can know that we have taken care of the matter to the best of our ability and without regret. With this reassurance, we can stand tall regardless of how the receiving party reacts. Ultimately, we do not apologize to be granted forgiveness from another person, but in order to practice integrity in our own life and that always requires taking personal responsibility for our actions, our words and our thoughts. Those are the only things we can truly ever control in life.
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